We live in a world where everything needs to be faster, better, and especially more perfect. Perfect performances, perfect bodies, perfect presentations, perfect lives on social media. But let’s pause for a moment. What if I tell you that this very urge for perfection isn’t helping you? That it hinders your growth, drains your energy, and can ultimately be destructive to your performance, well-being, and relationships?
With CIOS and the Sports Academy as my educational background, 12.5 years of work experience within the police (academy) and defense, and nearly 15 years as a speaker and trainer for many different target groups at home and abroad, I have seen perfectionism in various forms.
In top athletes who overtrain themselves. In trainee officers who confuse flawlessness with readiness. And also in myself, when I thought I always had to be stronger, faster, and sharper than the rest. Until I discovered: good is perfect. And perfect? That’s often not good at all.
Perfectionism: a disguised fear
At first glance, perfectionism seems like a beautiful thing. You want to get the best out of yourself. Not settling for mediocrity. But hidden beneath that layer of ambition is often something else: fear. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear that you’re not good enough as you are.
And that’s paralyzing. Instead of getting into motion, you get stuck in endless polishing, doubting, and procrastinating. Instead of learning from mistakes, you try to avoid them at all costs. You play it safe, dare to take fewer risks, and miss opportunities – exactly the opposite of what you need to grow or, for example, perform under pressure.
During my time at the police academy, I saw this time and time again with candidates who dreamed of a place within a special unit. They trained harder than the rest, pushed themselves to the limit, never let themselves go. But some didn’t make it precisely because of that. Not because they fell short physically, but because they mentally got stuck in their own high standards. No mistake could be made. A slip-up felt like failure. And that’s deadly – especially in professions where quick thinking and adaptive ability are crucial.
The illusion of control
Perfectionism gives you the feeling that you’re in control. It’s also all about not wanting or daring to be vulnerable. Because if everything is perfect, nothing can go wrong. Then people can’t criticize or comment on anything. Right? Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.
In the sports world, you know: you can prepare perfectly, but one unexpected move from your opponent or a mistake by the referee can change everything. Within defense and police, we know: interventions and operations are chaotic. Few plans survive first contact with reality.
So what if you no longer focus your energy on preventing mistakes, but on being able to deal with mistakes? What if you train for flexibility, resilience, and mental agility, instead of just perfection?
Because the real top performers – in sports or music, in business, within police and defense – are not flawless. They are resilient. They have learned to fall, and to get up again. Not despite their imperfections, but precisely because of accepting them.
Where does that bar come from?
Ask yourself honestly: who are you really trying so hard for?
For your parents? For your supervisor? For an ideal image in your head? Or because you think that only when everything is perfect, you’ll truly be seen or appreciated?
From a young age, we receive signals that making mistakes is bad. An insufficient grade at school is ‘punished’. In sports, the focus is on winning. Just go and watch at any random soccer or hockey club on a Saturday morning. Last Saturday, I witnessed again a linesman from the opposing team who pulled out all the stops (read: was biased and thus cheated) so that his team could win.
In our culture, working hard is admired – but taking rest is often seen as weakness. Add social media to that, where everyone only shows their successes, and the bar is set so high that it becomes impossible to jump over it.
The world is malleable and success is a choice! No wonder that thriving has become the norm – and yet many young people are not doing so well. Among other things, performance pressure and loneliness score high in MBO, HBO, and WO.
But know this: you set that bar yourself somewhere. And you can also move it yourself.
Perfectionism hinders (top) performance
Maybe you think: โYes, but in my profession it must be perfect. I want to reach the highest level, and that requires an inhumanly high standard.โ
But even (or perhaps especially) there, perfection is a pitfall.
In top sports, the rule is: consistency wins over perfection. A football player who is in the right position 9 out of 10 times is more valuable than someone who occasionally shines but often fails due to over-concentration. Elite units within the police and defense are not looking for the perfect candidate, but for someone who knows themselves, corrects themselves, and stays mentally strong when everything around them falls apart.
Perfection is static. Resilience is dynamic. And life demands the latter.
From perfectionism to mental strength โ 5 tools
Fortunately, you can learn to deal with your perfectionism. Here are five mental tools that I often use during trainings and lectures:
1. Recognize your perfectionist pattern
Be honest: when do you slip into perfectionism? When you receive feedback? Before a presentation? When making an important decision? Or in housekeeping / during gardening? By recognizing the pattern, you can consciously deal with it.
Tool: Keep a mini-journal for a few days. Write down each time you feel the pressure to be perfect. What happened? What did you think? How did you feel?
2. Set limits on your effort
Perfectionists often keep going endlessly. But more work does not always mean better work. Sometimes โgood enoughโ is exactly right.
Tool: Use the 80/20 rule. Ask yourself: โIf this is now 80%, what would I gain if I put another 20% energy into it? And what would it cost me?โ Often you find that the last 20% has little added value, but does consume your energy.
3. Embrace failure as a learning moment
Make mistakes your teachers. Instead of avoiding them, you can use them to grow. Real self-confidence doesn’t come from never failing, but from knowing that you can handle any mistake.
Tool: After each โfailure,โ write down three things you have learned. And one thing you can still be proud of.
For teams, companies, and/or organizations, I often speak about a mistake management culture instead of a mistake-avoidance culture.
4. Practice leniency
Being lenient is not weak or easy. It’s realistic. It’s powerful. It’s treating yourself the way you would treat a good friend: with respect, support, and understanding.
Tool: When in doubt, ask yourself: โWhat would I say to a friend who is experiencing this?โ Often you discover that you are much kinder to others than to yourself.
5. Vulnerability is also a quality
Many people nowadays want to be a ‘high performer’. Perhaps we need to be that to even keep up in the PAID Reality (link to blog). It’s basically ‘never good enough’, and to meet the ideal image, perfectionism is one of the coping mechanisms. Nice, because if you do everything right, you don’t have to be vulnerable.
You could also turn it around: if you dare to be vulnerable more often, not everything has to be perfect. After all, you’re only human!
The big advantage? Vulnerability also creates connection with others, because you show yourself in a way that others recognize. You’re not the only one constantly trying to perform this play
Tool: Tell something you’re ashamed of โ you’ll experience that shame cannot survive when spoken out loud. You train vulnerability and you can experience what this does to others.
Finally: good is really perfect
Perfectionism sounds like striving for the highest. But often it’s a way to keep yourself small. Because as long as it’s not perfect, you don’t have to show it yet. You don’t have to take any risk. You stay in preparation. In control. In safety.
But growth lies beyond that. In daring to act. In daring to fail. In daring to live.
So if I may give you one message from my work, my sports background, and my years within the government and business world: good is perfect. Because good means: in motion. Open. Human. And that’s exactly what you need – whether you’re working on your career, your sports goals, or your place within a team that truly matters.
Keep striving, yes. Keep growing. But not at the expense of yourself.
Because perfect? You haven’t been that for a long time. And that’s your greatest strength.
Success,
Michael
