In my work as a trainer and speaker in the field of mental strength, I meet many young people who are burdened by performance pressure. Take Jesse, a boy with sky-high expectations of everything and everyone, but especially of himself. A dead-end path, as he has now experienced. Unfortunately, many young people don’t (yet) know this.
“Jesse has to be the very best at everything. From the gym to social media and from studies to work: Jesse sets the bar extremely high and increasingly feels the pressure and disappointment that come with it.
Together with fear of failure coach Pia Crul, trainer Michael Kortekaas and the rest of ‘Hoedan’, Jesse looks for a solution to adjust his unrealistic goals and find balance between ambition and rest. How do you learn to let go and enjoy what you do achieve? Discover it in this honest and relatable search for mental strength and self-acceptance.”
The Invisible Pressure of Always Having to Perform
Flourishing seems to have become the norm. At school, in sports, on social media, in friendships, and even in hobbies; young people must excel everywhere. The pressure to excel always and everywhere is enormous. But what happens when that doesn’t work out? Then not only does the performance fail, but self-image is also affected. The consequences can be severe: demotivation, loneliness, burnout, depression, and various other psychological complaints.
As a coach, I see this happen time and time again. It affects me every time because it shows how thin the line is between wanting to perform and succumbing to it.
The Myth of Malleability
One of the first pieces of advice I give to young people: ‘We need to move away from the idea of malleability.’ In a world where we constantly hear that ‘anything is possible if you work hard enough’, we forget one important aspect: not everything is malleable. This idea can actually be paralyzing and lead to fear of failure and insecurity. Because what if it doesn’t work out? Are you then not good enough?
This doesn’t mean that goals and ambitions aren’t important. On the contrary! It’s about young people learning to set realistic goals and guard their own boundaries. Self-care, a healthy mindset, and resilience are essential in this.
Setting Boundaries: An Important Skill
The solution to performance pressure doesn’t just lie in learning to deal with stress and tension. It’s also about recognizing and setting boundaries. Where is your limit? How can you make conscious choices without losing yourself? These are questions I help young people answer.
Many parents, colleagues, and managers struggle with the same issue. Because performance pressure doesn’t arise in a vacuum; it comes from somewhere. Parents want the best for their children, schools want excellent results, and employers want productive employees. But at what cost?
The Role of Social Media
An important factor in the increased performance pressure is social media. Young people are daily confronted with images of peers who seemingly lead perfect lives. They see friends taking the most beautiful trips, influencers who appear effortlessly successful, and peers who excel both academically and athletically. This creates a false image of reality and feeds the fear of falling behind.
Young people constantly compare themselves to these online images, which can lead to insecurity and a feeling of inadequacy. It is therefore crucial to make them aware of the role social media plays in their self-image and help them deal with this in a healthy way.
How Can Parents and Educators Help?
Parents and teachers play a key role in guiding young people in dealing with performance pressure. By encouraging open dialogue and creating an environment where making mistakes is allowed, they can contribute to a healthier mental attitude in young people. Some ways they can help:
- Encourage realistic expectations: Help them set achievable goals and not always set the bar unrealistically high.
- Create space for relaxation: Ensure that young people, in addition to working hard, also have enough time to relax and have fun. A moment without performance pressure.
- Promote a growth mindset: Teach young people that failing is a natural part of learning and growing. Normalize that things (sometimes) don’t work out!
- Be a role model: As a parent, teacher, or coach, show that perfection doesn’t exist and that adults also make mistakes and learn from them.
The Courage to Be Vulnerable
Breaking free from performance pressure requires courage. Courage to acknowledge when it becomes too much, to ask for help, and to let go of old patterns. But the moment young people realize that their worth doesn’t depend on their achievements is unforgettable.
It’s also important to keep the conversation about mental health open. Young people need to know that they’re not alone and that it’s normal to ask for help. This can be done by talking to friends, parents, or professionals. The earlier this happens, the greater the chance of preventing negative consequences of performance pressure.
Solutions and Tools for Greater Mental Resilience
In addition to setting boundaries and adjusting expectations, young people can also use concrete tools to increase their mental resilience. Some of these techniques are:
- Sleeping, moving, and exercising: A well-rested brain with sufficient physical activity helps not only physically but also mentally to better cope with stress.
- Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: These help to reduce stress and better deal with tension.
- Daily reflection: By reflecting on what went well instead of what could be improved, the focus shifts from shortcomings to growth.
- Learning positive self-talk: Awareness of internal dialogue and replacing negative thoughts with realistic, supportive thoughts.
- Finding balance between effort and relaxation: Planning moments of rest and relaxation is just as important as planning study time or a good workout.
The Importance of Collaboration
Performance pressure is a complex problem that requires a collaborative approach. Parents, schools, employers, and young people themselves must work together to create a healthier culture where success is measured not only by achievements but also by well-being and personal growth.
By keeping the conversation about performance pressure open, we can build together a society where young people not only learn to excel but especially learn to be happy and mentally resilient.
What are your experiences with performance pressure?
Do you recognize this? Let me know in the comments under my LinkedIn post.
See you soon,
Michael
